I have decided to become celibate. Sex is very overrated in my opinion. It's all over in a few minutes and is centainly not worth all the fuss and anguish that goes before.
Dear Stephen Fry,
My name is Adrian Mole. I once had the honour of cooking you a dish of tripe, which you pronounced 'unforgettable' (Hoi Polli, Sep. 15th, 1996). You didn't pay us a second visit, to lunch or to dine, but no matter, I still admire your erudition and wit.
I have recently decided to become celibate, and will shortly be turning into a celebrity, and I wondered if you as a celebrity celibate, have any tips on how to cope with both of these conditions. I expect you are busy but I'm sure you won't mind taking some time out of your schedule to advise someone who is practically your doppelgänger. I too am a bit of an intellectual.
Cheers, Steve,
Yours, Adrian Mole
PS. I would appreciate an early reply.
Sue Townsend, Adrian Mole: The Cappuccino Years; p.157. Penguin Books, 1999